Start Your Claim

Lost Money in Crypto?

You may be entitled to join a class action that will remain pending for years. Fill out this form to begin your journey toward potential accountability.

Average response time: 0.3 seconds (we use AI-generated form responses, obviously)

Personal Information

Your Name (or pseudonym, we don't judge) *

Email (for sending accountability updates)

We won't spam you. Much. Okay, we'll definitely announce new investigations.

Claim Details

Which project rugged you? *

How much did you lose? (in USD) *

Don't worry. We'll multiply this by a large number to calculate your "potential recovery."

Tell us your story (optional but encouraged for dramatic effect)

Important Questions

How urgently do you need accountability?

How did you hear about us?

I understand that any criticism of this form or the firm may be interpreted as "threats" and used as evidence that we're doing something right

Submitting this form does not create an attorney-client relationship, primarily because we are not actually attorneys. This is satire. Please do not send us real legal matters. We cannot help you. No one here can.

Other Ways to Reach Us

Physical Address (Satirical)

43 West Forty-Turd Street, Suite 404

New York, NY 10036

(This address does not exist)

Contact

Phone: 1 (646) NOT-REAL

Email: accountability@daugschiit.law

(These also don't work)

"Every form submission is a vote for accountability. The fact that this form doesn't actually do anything is irrelevant. It's the INTENTION that matters. As someone who taught himself to read in the Navy, I understand the importance of symbolic gestures. DMs remain open. Always."

— Magnus Daugschiit, Esq.

On why form submissions matter

ATTORNEY ADVERTISING | SATIRICAL CONTENT | This website is a parody created for entertainment purposes. No actual legal services are offered. Any resemblance to actual law firms, living or pending in motions practice, is entirely intentional. Results have not varied because results have not occurred. Prior results do not guarantee future outcomes, but neither do current efforts apparently.