Perpetually Pending, Endlessly Promising

Our cases represent billions in claimed damages across the crypto ecosystem. Results remain pending. As planned. This is actually extremely bullish for consumer protection.

$10B+
Total Claimed Damages
6
Active Cases
0
Major Wins (So Far)
Motions Filed

The full portfolio of pending accountability

Case #001Eternally in Motions

Pump.fun / Solana Ecosystem RICO Action

Defendant: Baton Corp., Solana Labs, Solana Foundation, et al.

$5.5 billion
Claimed Damages
Filed January 2025

Class action alleging that a memecoin launchpad constitutes a racketeering enterprise.

Magnus Notes

"Judge already criticized us for filing duplicate lawsuits. Bullish."

Case #002Going Nowhere

The DOGSHIT2 Situation

Defendant: N/A (Self-inflicted)

$23 million market cap (briefly)
Claimed Damages
Filed Halloween 2024

Someone created a token on the platform we are suing. It appeared as Exhibit C in our own lawsuit.

Magnus Notes

"Our firms have not launched any memecoins ONCHAIN. (Pump.fun tokens are created offchain.)"

Case #003Ongoing

$HAWK (Hawk Tuah) Memecoin

Defendant: Haliey Welch, et al.

$TBD
Claimed Damages
Filed December 2024

Action against a viral celebrity memecoin.

Magnus Notes

"She cooperated with us before we added her as a defendant. Classic litigation strategy."

Case #004Asset Freeze Secured

Libra Token (Argentina Connection)

Defendant: Kelsier Ventures, et al.

$400+ million
Claimed Damages
Filed March 2025

Action related to token promoted by Argentine President.

Magnus Notes

"We got an asset freeze! (Assets frozen ≠ assets recovered, but still.)"

Case #005Investigation Phase

Nike/RTFKT NFT "Soft Rug Pull"

Defendant: Nike, Inc.

$TBD
Claimed Damages
Filed April 2025

Alleging that Nike abandoned its NFT project.

Magnus Notes

"I was at the RTFKT party in Brooklyn. Now I represent clients against them. No conflict."

Case #006Also Nowhere

NYC Mayoral Campaign

Defendant: Democracy itself

The soul of New York
Claimed Damages
Filed July 2025

Announced campaign to become Mayor of New York City.

Magnus Notes

"Not even mentioned in the Wikipedia article about the election. Accountability."

Cases We've "Strategically" Dismissed

Sometimes the path to accountability means dropping defendants without explanation. This is actually a sign of strength.

Jito Labs (Dismissed)

Voluntarily dismissed

Official spin:

"Strategic narrowing of the case"

No settlement payment. No consideration. Plaintiffs simply dropped them.

"
"
"Every case we file is a victory for accountability. The fact that none have resulted in major recoveries yet is actually EXTREMELY bullish. The system is designed to take time. As someone who taught himself to read in the Navy, I know something about patience, ser."

— Magnus Daugschiit, Esq.

When asked about the firm's win record

Think Your Project Should Be Here?

We're always looking for new investigation targets. If you lost money on any crypto project, you may be entitled to join a class action that will remain pending for years.

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ATTORNEY ADVERTISING | SATIRICAL CONTENT | This website is a parody created for entertainment purposes. No actual legal services are offered. Any resemblance to actual law firms, living or pending in motions practice, is entirely intentional. Results have not varied because results have not occurred. Prior results do not guarantee future outcomes, but neither do current efforts apparently.